Monday, March 9, 2015

Suleikha's Top Five Bangable Cartoon Creatures

I don't know if this speaks to the secret furry we all have inside of us, but let's face it: There are some fictional critters that are highly bangable. You'd hit that, I'd hit that, we would all hit that...and probably not ever talk about it to our friends and family. (Twitter, however, would hear all about it.) It's just because of the way these human-like characters were crafted — with charm, sensuality, charisma and sometimes a prehensile tail. We can't help ourselves.

I'm not here to judge. Just to call 'em like I see 'em.

1. Disney's Robin Hood. Forever and always. How would you not want to ooda-lolly all day with this mischievous fox? You know his arrow will always find its target. No other Robin Hood is as foxy as this one. Sorry Kevin Costner, Sorry Errol Flynn, sorry Jonas Armstrong. I'd apologize to Russell Crowe, but I like to pretend that movie didn't happen.

2. Goliath, from Gargoyles. Keith David's glorious voice meshed with this tall, dark hunk of broodery? Yeah. You know it. Elisa Maza knows it. I'm sure they eventually had adorable bispecies rock babies together. (I never got to the end. Don't tell me if they didn't.)

3. Lion-O. You know how they shout, "Thundercats, ho!"? Well, that joke writes itself when you look at this sleek piece of kitty. See also: Cheetara. And feel free to make up a naughty story about whatever it is they're holding in this picture.

4. Roger Rabbit. You think I'm joking, but Jessica could get it. Anyone. Anywhere. She stuck with Roger because he had skills. That's all the convincing I need. (We'd have to do something about his laugh, though. Ball gags, anyone?)

5. The Beast from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. It is a well-documented phenomenon: Most viewers utter an underwhelmed "meh" when he turns into a bland human at the end. Please give us the big, broad, furry beast — and that ginormous library, too. In fact, I might just consider the Beast bone-worthy because of his book collection.


What about you, readers? Which furred-up fictional hunk or lady would you love to play a little mattress tag with?


  1. You have two of my favorites on this list, Robin Hood and The Beast. I still don't understand how the Disney Imagineers couldn't come up with a better human prince to match the awesomeness of Beast. Now I must find Gargoyles to watch.

  2. Right? He was so boring and not at all memorable!

    Gargoyles was more like a gothic, supernatural drama than it was a cartoon. If you missed episodes, you had no idea what was going on. It was great.

  3. Goliath all the way, man. I completely agree about Beast the beast vs. Beast the prince.